A Reason To Live
by forensicduck
Summary: After a dramatic accident, Alex seems to have lost everyone she ever cared about. But did she really lose Sean?


**Title: A Reason To Live  
Summary: After a dramatic accident, Alex seems to have lost everyone she ever cared about. But did she really lose Sean?  
Genre: Drama  
Pairing: Sean/Alex**

* * *

_She doesn't realize that when she cries, he cries._

_For some reason, she always forgets. Or she just doesn't believe it._

_But when she hurts, he hurts._

_And she realizes it too late._

* * *

Alex finds herself staring aimlessly out the window, her arms locking her legs and keeping them close to her chest in an effort to keep herself warm. But she hasn't felt warm in a long time. Not since everyone she ever cared about left her. Not since everything, that one fatal mission, went to _shit_ and she lost all reason to live.

She tried. God knows, she tried. She tried to move on, but she couldn't. She even tried to end it, but for some reason her body wouldn't let her.

'_Alex…' _Nikita's voice still echoes in Alex's mind. Her sensei's words are ragged and covered up in short gasps for air. _'Please just- find a way to be happy…'_

A single tear escapes Alex's eyes, and she angrily rubs it away with her sleeve.

Nikita went just as soon as Alex assured her mentor that she would, even though Alex wasn't sure how she would be able to achieve it. How would she be able to keep on living if the one woman who gave her reason to live was gone?

Maybe she would have a chance if anybody survived that fateful night. Maybe she would have a chance if it wasn't an accident, if it was the result of an attack ordered by Amanda. She would have lived her life driven by revenge, yes, but revenge has been a big part of her life at this point, anyway.

Nikita died in her arms that night, not long after Michael went in Nikita's. There was no trace of Birkhoff, Sonya, Ryan, Owen… or Sean. But she assumed that she lost all of them too, like she lost everyone else she ever cared about.

'Goddammit.' An involuntary curse escapes her mouth and she pulls herself up, tearing her eyes away from the dreadful scenery outside. She was holed up in the basement of an abandoned house, hiding because Amanda instantly got word of the fact that Team Nikita was now down to just one agent, and Amanda was not one to waste time capturing said agent.

Alex reaches out for the remote and turns on the channel. A TV in the back of the room flickers on and off until it permanently stays on, the screen broadcasting a news channel where a relatively old woman says something about a massacre in Iran.

It doesn't faze her anymore. Nothing does anymore.

* * *

'_Alex.'_

_His gentle voice cuts through the dark and – dare she admit it – fills her senses with a warm sensation. He was there, with her. And now he's kneeling down besides her, wordlessly wrapping his arms around her petite figure. She likes it when he does that. It makes her feel wanted, protected, loved._

_She buries her teary face into the warmth of his scent and takes in the faint scent of cologne._

_They continue to just sit there, on the cold ground even though a bed – their bed – was nearby. He speaks no words and the only sounds she makes are the faint and sporadic sniffs she loathes so much. He doesn't say it, but she knows that he is sad now. He's sad because she's sad. That makes her feel bad, but there is also a part of her that likes it, because for some reason, Sean cares enough about her to care about her feelings._

_A moment passes by before Sean slowly breaks the silence, a hint of insecurity in his voice even though he tries his best to hide it. 'Um, Alex?'_

_She makes a 'hm' sound._

'_I…' A short pause. 'I love you, okay, Alex? I do. And I'm here for you.'_

_Her heart forgets to beat momentarily, and she pulls away from him, noticing the way his eyes desperately seek for a kind of response to his confession._

_She wants to say it. She doesn't realize it yet, but she does love him. So much. But whenever she opens her mouth, it was as though ever fiber of her body just quits on her, leaving her gasping for air, struggling for her breath. So in lieu of an answer, she moves her hands from his chest to the sides of his face. He wants to look away from her because there is no way he isn't blushing, even though the room is covered in darkness it's just so obvious. Instead, she keeps his face firmly where it is and plants a soft kiss on his lips._

'_I'll tell him later.' She tells herself._

* * *

**Author's Note: Shit, this was not supposed to be so dramatic. Woops.  
**


End file.
